As our sister Chelsey mentions in her article, there are times that we must stand alone. But truly, we are not alone. We are always promised, that is - betrothed to Christ Jesus first and foremost.
Sweet sisters, I do this only in the hopes that you will
know that God is who He says He is. He is greater than any of our sins, our disobediences and our lack of faith. Our Sovereign God's power is never diminished by the lack of human effort or belief.
"Our God is in the heavens; He does all that He pleases."
~ Psalm 115:3
Now that my darling husband and I are on the "other side" of all this, we openly share with others all of God's goodness to us. My husband and I both pray that as we invite you into our home and our past struggles, that you will be inspired by the power of Christ's victory over ever trial and every storm.
Many years ago, as I was praying, the Lord asked me, "If you had to stand alone, would you?" I wasn't sure what Jesus meant. I thought, when He said "alone" He meant without anyone else, but certainly
with my husband. With this thought, I answered, "Yes, Lord, I will stand alone." Just a few days later, God called me to rebuke someone in our
old church that had committed a grievous sin. I began to cry profusely, shake and beg God to show me clearly if this was truly His voice because I was so scared and really didn't want to do this thing He asked me; unless it truly was the Lord. I was weeping so bitterly, my husband asked if I was alright. I told him, "No." then told him the sin this person committed was grieving me. My husband said, "Oh, honey, you're overreacting. It's just guy stuff. That's how guys are and it's okay, no one cares."
Then I remembered how Gideon prayed and I prayed the same way. I asked God to cause my husband to agree (which I never thought he would, and knew that if this was truly God's voice I was hearing, that my husband would give me permission to proceed). I also asked for this person to be standing in a certain place, as if they were waiting for someone to come speak with them and that no one else would be around them. Well, guess what happened? You guessed it, not only did my husband joyfully give me permission, but the person God told me to rebuke was standing exactly where I requested, as if he were waiting for someone to come speak to him, but no one was around.
I prayed and prayed and was in tears and trembling, but I went. And this was the rebuke, "Would you please apologize?" That was it! Nothing really profound, or earth shattering, just a simple plea from a broken, frightened, simple woman. To this, this person began to yell at me, repeating that I was overreacting. He got so loud, everyone else who remained in the sanctuary could hear him....including my husband who was completely horrified. When this person's torrent of loud accusations and anger stopped, I turned to walk away, still crying and trembling when I saw my husband. I walked toward him to get a reassuring hug and to hold him back from pummeling this other person. But to my surprise, when I put my arms out to receive my hug, he pushed them away, pushed me away and said in a loud angry voice, "I can't believe you did that! When you asked me, I had no idea you were going to make him angry! Had I known, I would've NEVER given you permission! You deceived me!" and then he walked away.
I could no longer physically stand and I collapsed in a pew weeping bitterly. I begged our Father God to show me why I was supposed to do this thing. None of it turned out well. The person I was to rebuke, publicly humiliated me and cut me into pieces with his tongue, then my husband came after him and poured salt into the mangled up flesh that was left. I was devastated to say the least. As I prayed and cried out to our Father I asked for forgiveness if I had been foolish and deceived and did the wrong the thing. I begged Him to comfort me and restore me, if I had not sinned and I had pleased Him. Just then, I saw a tall figure, standing at a distance, looking at me. It was another man, who was completely repulsed by my mere existence (because I had witnessed to him and he argued he was saved because he was in church and that was enough; repentance was unnecessary). Therefore, this man normally stayed as far from me as possible. So, when I saw him standing there, I thought, "Oh, Lord, not another person who detests me! Please Father God, I don't think I can handle this!
You discipline me! Don't let me continue to fall into the hands of my enemies!" By this time, this man had made his way to me. He stood there, looking confused and said, "Um....Sunny? Ummmm....well.....um, I don't know why I'm here. But I'm supposed to give this to you. So....uh....here you go. Bye!" And he left.
After I wiped my eyes, so that I could see what he gave me, I began to cry again....but this time full of gratitude and in relief. It was an ichthus pin.
The Lord caused my enemy to give me a gift.
Quickly my mind fled from considering my despair, and ran wholeheartedly to my Savior's arms, as He reminded me of how often He caused the Israelites to receive
gifts from
their enemies because they witnessed the power of God amongst the Almighty's chosen people. Then Jesus repeated to me what He asked me days before this incident, "If I ask you to stand alone, will you?". But this time, I fully understood what He meant. I bowed my head, humbled my heart and said, "Yes, Lord, if You ask me anything, I will do it. Just ask me Lord, I am Your maidservant."
I stood alone for three more days, as my husband would not speak to me for that period of time. I cried every day; and every day, the Lord lifted me and comforted me. I now understood why it was a
blessing to mourn. Because those who mourn will be comforted, and the comfort would come from no one less than the LORD God Almighty Himself. No wonder, it is a blessing! No man, no friend, no child, nor
any human being is able to provide the inexpressible comfort we receive from our Father God.
On the third day, my darling husband came to me in tears and in repentance. He apologized for not speaking to me for three days, and explained that he couldn't because he was so ashamed. He confessed that he knew I was obeying God and the only reason why he accused me of trying to decieve him was because of his pride and his sinful desire to receive praise from men. And for three days, God had been dealing with him on that. He said that God is the one who allowed him to be decieved because He was using this occasion to reveal a sin in my husband - the sin of preferring any human being and their approval, over his wife, whom he was created to protect.
I'd like to quote my most favorite author on biblical submission:
"God's plan is so complex that He can use a single trial and tailor it to meet the needs of every person involved. It is God's desire that every believer grows to be more Christ-like. However, the fire of adversity must refine each individual's character before she is a finished work. For one person the trial might be chastisement for sin in her life, while for another the same adversity may be an opportunity to practice longsuffering and Christ-like forgiveness."
~ Virginia Fugate, On the Other Side of the Garden: Biblical Womanhood for Today's World
Second Edition, Copyright 2004 (pp. 233-234)
I had the opportunity to forgive my husband and receive him with Christ's love. I was so thankful for this opportunity to connect with Jesus this way!
Who is my husband now? Perfect? No. Am I perfect? No. But we both learned an eternal lesson that we both cherish and still give thanks to God for teaching us in a manner in which neither of us will ever forget.
Now, if you even look at me funny, my husband will probably pummel you, then repent. Just kidding. He won't pummel you, but he'll want to. And I'm not kidding. Instead, he'll pray and commit the matter to God and patiently wait for our Lord's perfect direction. My husband now views himself as God's provision as my covering, my protector and provider for all things temporal, while acknowledging that Jesus offered Himself up, to be my Provision, my Covering and my Protector for all things eternal.
And I learned that while I may stand alone, I am never truly alone, but I stand always and forever, on The Rock - my Savior and my God, the Lord Jesus, who is the Christ.
"I have set the LORD always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure."
~ Psalm 16:8-9
Disclaimer:Please, please do not share anything like this online if you do not have your husband's approval and complete blessing. As it will be so displeasing to God if you do anything that dishonors or embarrasses your husband.
And please don't get the funny idea that somehow I'm a fabulously godly wife, because I am not. I am merely a poor, wretched woman, saved by God's grace and mercy. For the Lord God loved me, not just the way I am (for God cannot love sin), but in spite of who I am, and daily refines me to make me more and more like His Son, Jesus Christ.
