Alive In Christ, Dead to Sin- My Testimony

"What shall I render to the LORD for all His benefits to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD,
I will pay my vows to the LORD in the presence of all His people."
~ Psalm 116:12-14

And so I shall. I shall lift up the cup of salvation and I will exalt the Name of Jesus Christ as I share how He chose me for Himself and with His great compassion, amazing grace and endless mercy, saved my depraved, wretched soul from the bondage of sin, Satan and eternal torment in the Lake of Fire - Hell.

I pray as I share this, that you will be encouraged and inspired to draw deeper into the wellspring of Life, who is the LORD God Almighty, through His Son, our Savior, Jesus the Christ. I also pray that your heart will be more stirred by God's salvation of my soul, His protection and every demonstration of His undeserved, loving-kindness lavished on me, more than you are moved by the pain and persecution I have been blessed to endure.

I want you to fully grasp the generosity and glory of God's salvation and His kindness in choosing to save me by first sharing with you who I was before.

You'll never really know and appreciate how sweet, sweet is, unless you've tasted sour.

My Life Before I Knew Christ

I am a Korean-born, citizen of Heaven and an ambassador of Christ here on earth. I am the youngest of three (3) children, to first generation immigrant parents. As can be imagined, it was very difficult growing up in the south during the 70's. Although segregation had been abolished by law, the people in the towns were still practicing it secretly. Sure, all the signs went down, but the hearts of the people remained just as stubborn and wicked as they had before the law to abolish segregation was passed.

My parents took lowly jobs in which they received much abuse from their employers and co-workers. They worked very hard, for very little money and endured much ridicule and exclusion. There seemed to be no escape from this torment as returning to Korea was worse. They were truly between a rock and a hard place and chose to stay in America as it was the lesser of two evils. My parents were Buddhists and did not know the LORD, therefore were very susceptible to the wiles of our enemy the devil. The devil seduced my parents into believing that it was "okay" to find their own escape from this very challenging life of being immigrants during our countries tumultuous times.....and so they did.

Up until the age of three I was "Daddy's little girl" and a complete spoiled brat. We were poor, but in my sin, I managed to demand my poor immigrant parents give me everything I wanted. I still remember being only 3 years old, wanting to go run an errand with my dad because I knew I could get him to buy me something. We barely had enough money for rent and food, but I didn't care, their struggle was their problem and I wanted stuff and lots of it! After causing much strife and dissension between my parents, my Daddy, once again, gave in and took me on his errand. He bought me a teddy bear....and I still have it! My teddy bear is probably older than most of you, he's 36, nearly 37 years old! And that was the last memory I have of being "Daddy's little girl", as my life drastically changed shortly after that day.

I could go on and on about how terribly I sinned, caused dissension in my family, manipulated and more. But I believe what I've shared as only being a 3 year old will suffice in helping you understand what a vile and wicked child I was. This is a testimony of what God told the Israelites when He chose them and gave to them the land flowing with milk and honey.

" 'Do not say in your heart, after the LORD your God has thrust them out before you, 'It is because of my righteousness that the LORD has brought me in to possess this land,' whereas it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD is driving them out before you. Not because of your righteousness or the uprightness of your heart are you going in to possess their land, but because of the wickedness of these nations the LORD your God is driving them out from before you, and that He may confirm the word that the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob.

'Know, therefore, that the LORD your God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stubborn people.' "
~ Deuteronomy 9:4-6

And I know this word from the Lord to be true:

"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another."
~ Titus 3:3

And God' Holy Spirit spoke through the Apostle Paul saying about the redeemed of the Lord:

"But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we might become heirs according to the Hope of Eternal Life."
~ Titus 3:4-7
(emphasis added)

Therefore I make every effort to clarify to you that it is not because of any righteous thing I had done that the LORD God Almighty chose me, before I was born, to save my depraved and wretched soul, by reconciling me to Himself by the shedding of Christ's blood as the ransom for my sins; and has now received me through faith and trust in the only name in which all men must be saved - Jesus Christ, the Lord. (Romans 3:21-26)

How Jesus Christ Was Proclaimed To Me

By the time I was only four years old, my Daddy and Mommy had worked so hard, and saved so much money, the five of us were able to move into our own little townhouse, just a few blocks up the street from where we lived with my uncle (my Daddy's little brother), my aunt, my grandmother (my Daddy's Mommy) and two cousins. Yes, all ten of us lived in a three (3) bedroom, one (1) bathroom townhouse and did very well, as we knew of nothing else.

I loved living in our own little townhome, but I also enjoyed very much living with and playing with my younger cousins and all the little friends I had made on that street. Even though we moved, I'd often go down to that street and still play with the same kids and have fun with my cousins.

(the picture on the left is of my my big sister, big brother and best friend Angie with her little sister ~ the picture on the right is of me and my siblings with my cousin.)

One day, I walked to the corner of my street. I believe I was going to my cousins house to play again, but I'm not quite sure. But as I found myself on this very familiar corner, this day was different. As I reached the corner of the street, the world began to spin and I became very disoriented which overwhelmed me with the horrific sense of being lost. I was terrified and sat down on the curb, crying uncontrollably as I feared where I was. The corner I was on, was the corner of the invisible line that was drawn between the blacks and the whites and I had witnessed many brutal and bloody beatings on that corner because someone had apparently crossed the invisible line of segregation and had to pay for it with their blood. This brutality was equally initiated by both blacks and whites as the only thing they had in common was their hatred, filled with murderous passion for one another.

Therefore, my horror was increased when I felt a touch on my shoulder and there stood behind me, a large, black woman. I trembled with fear for a moment as I thought I had crossed that imaginary line of hatred and was now about to pay for my stupidity and carelessness. But she smiled at me, and suddenly, the world stopped spinning and I could see clearly. She spoke with the most gentle and beautiful voice I had every heard: "Are you lost?" I was still a bit skiddish, so I didn't speak, but nodded my head "yes". She extended her hand and said, "Would you like me to walk you home?" Again, afraid, but comforted at the same time, I nodded, "yes". The instant I put my hand in hers, peace and joy I had never known overwhelmed me. I felt a sense of security and comfort that made me feel as if I could simply fall asleep in her arms.

As I stood to my feet, she said to me,"Would you like me to tell you a story about the greatest man who has ever lived?" To a four year old, that's a FABULOUS opening to a story and I excitedly nodded "yes". And so she began to tell me about the one they called Jesus, who Is the Son of God. Naturally, this was a very short story, and a very short walk, as I was only on the corner of my street (which was about 4 or 5 houses down from mine). Suddenly, she stopped walking and talking all at the same time. Which caused me to speak for the very first time, "Don't stop!" I was completely enamored with the story of the Son of God and all that I had heard in the few minutes we had together, and I didn't want her to stop. But she said, "But you're home." and she extended her arm to her left to reveal to me what she said was true (I was on her right and didn't see my house until she pointed it out to me).

Then she said to me, "Would you like to hear the rest of the story?" Very emphatically, I shouted "YES!" She smiled again, but this time, bigger and it was obvious she was well pleased with my answer. She then said, "You must first go into your house and ask your parents for their permission. If they say "yes", then there will be a bus in front of your house at 8:00 a.m. on Sunday morning to pick you up and take you to church. And church will finish the story." I was overjoyed!

I ran into my house, speaking about a million miles a minute, with immense joy and enthusiasm, yet I still don't remember exactly what I said to my parents. All I remember is them smiling from ear to ear and repeating over and over again, "yes, yes, yes". I finally heard them and quickly ran upstairs to find the best outfit I had, one without holes or stains on it because I had believed that I was going to meet the Son of God on Sunday and I was sure I shouldn't look as poor as I was!

Finally, Sunday arrived and I made it on the little half-sized cheese bus and found to my horror, the bus driver was not my new friend who walked me home and told me about Jesus! The bus driver asked if I was going to sit down. I quietly and skiddishly asked, "Where's my friend?" She asked, "Who is your friend?" I told her, "I thought she was coming to pick me up. But you're not her. She's black and she wears the most beautiful smile. Do you know her?" She looked at me strangely and said, "No, no one like that drives this bus."

I asked the bus driver, "If you don't know my friend and she does not drive this bus, then how did you know to come to my house?" She showed me a clipboard (which was useless, because I was only four and couldn't read anything except my name). Holding the clipboard towards me, she said, "Is this your name, uh...um...s..ss..ssung...gu..ooowa? I said, "Yes, my name is Sunghwa (pronounced "sung-ha", the "w" is silent)." She continued, by reading me the address for me on the clipboard and asked if it was correct. I joyfully answered, "Yes, that's my house, right there." She again continued, "Well then, honey, I guess I'm at the right house and you're on the right bus. Do you still want to go to church?" I thought for a moment and said, "Yes! Yes, I do! I'm silly. My friend is probably a teacher at this church and I will meet her there!"

Ahhh...The Sweet Song of Salvation!

I heard the Gospel of Christ on my very first visit to church, but chose not to ask the Lord for forgiveness and to save me. I was afraid. I was only four, I had come to a strange place that was teaching me things that opposed what my parents practiced and taught me at home in our Buddhist religion. I was afraid of what they would say and think and I was also afraid of what the other kids would think of me, as I did not know any them and came alone, without my parents. I was afraid. I was afraid of all the many things that man could do to me if I chose to accept the most incredible offer I would ever receive in my life....the gift of Eternal Life, who is Jesus Christ. The gift to be made clean, pure, holy - the gift of trading all my trash to receive all of God's treasure, fully manifested in Christ Jesus, our Lord, the only Savior for all men. But I was afraid.

Three times I wanted to tell the teachers that I wanted to know how to be saved, but three times I feared man, more than God. Finally, the fourth week, I no longer cared. I was tormented by my dreams and the reality of Hell, and the fear of God gripped me more than the fear I had of men. I didn't care what would happen to me anymore. I didn't care if everyone thought I was stupid, or strange. I didn't care if all the kids at church would laugh at me and jeer saying "Look at that silly little girl, coming here without her parents. What is she doing? She doesn't know what she's doing! She's poor, stupid and a foreigner!" I no longer cared about any of that. Did those thoughts still go through my head? Of course they did, but knowing what God had done for me; realizing Christ lived a perfect life, but chose to take my blame and punishment meant more to me then anything else. How could I not love someone who did that for me? How could I not want to get to know Him more, so I could love Him better? How could I not want to spend the rest of my life expressing my thanks to Him in every way that I could? How could I not?

By the fourth week, I heard the Ten Commandments, and realized at age four, I had already broken 8 of them (it turns out it was actually 9, but I didn’t know yet that Jesus said that if you hated someone, that you committed murder in your heart [1 John 3:15]). I realized I was done...cooked....finished. So when I heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ and how He alone did and could fulfill the Ten Commandments, was without sin, but willingly chose to take my blame, my punishment, suffer in my stead - well, it was truly the best news I had ever heard in all my four years of life....and 36 years later...still is!! (2 Corinthians 5:19-21) It was then that I repented of my sins (turned away and denounced them and turned to God) and trusted (put my faith) in the only one who can save my soul, Jesus the Christ.

I realized how sour my life was and how sweet the life of Christ is and I wanted His life, not mine. But seriously, what kid every chooses the sour over the sweet? This is one of the reasons I'm sure Jesus told his highly knowledgeable disciples that if they did not become like little children, they would never enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:2-4).

This, the best decision I have ever and will ever make in my life, brought about 13 years of great tribulation and persecution within my own household, who were all Buddhist, except for me.

"Do not think I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household.

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lost it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
~ Matthew 10:34-39
(emphasis added)

I desire greatly that you grasp the fullness and greatness of God's protection, care, comfort, steadfast love, grace and mercy that He poured out to me in such abundance that it spilled over and onto all those around me. For this, I will be eternally grateful as God granted me the extensive privilege of allowing me to lead my precious Mommy, whom I love, to her new life in Christ almost 4 years ago. No longer my foe, but now, my dearly beloved sister in Christ. How can one ever properly give thanks to God for all His goodness to us?

I will not be sharing the extent and details of my personal tribulations and persecutions over the internet to protect my parents and siblings and to keep them from being even more burdened with grief than they already are. Let me suffice it to say that God saved both my physical and spiritual life. But I do not consider any suffering I might have endured even comparable to that which I so rightly deserve, by our just and holy God; had not the Lord Jesus Himself willingly allow sinful men to beat Him, revile Him, slay Him, and wholly received my due punishment in order to set me free from my guilt and shame before our righteous, pure, kind and holy Creator, Father God.

I didn't know if I would survive those 13 years, but God did. He gave me His life, His love and love for His word that provided me the firm foundation I needed. Psalm 27, specifically Psalm 27:10-14 resonated in my heart throughout my darkest moments and brought me comfort beyond my pain. I am grateful my Heavenly Father taught me how to rejoice in sufferings, as it tested my faith and revealed that God truly is mightier than any man, woman or child - mightier than anyone or anything in all creation. Through this testing, steadfastness had the opportunity to finish its work and made me perfect and complete in Christ, in whom I lack nothing. (James 1:2-4)

When I share this story with unbelievers, I am often asked, "If there is a God and He's so good, then why did He allow such bad things to happen to you?" And this is always my answer, "It was not because I was better or worse than my family or because they were better or worse people than me. It had nothing to do with us, but God allowed these things so that the works of God might be displayed in me; for the glory of God and salvation of all those He brings my way." (John 9:3) By the way, my Korean name Sunghwa means "faithful, shining light".

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith -- that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead."
Philippians 3:7-11

The Present Condition of My Life

1st. love-Jesus Christ; 2nd. love-my wonderful & godly husband, who loves me like Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25-31 & 1 Peter 3:7) for nearly 17 years; both my boys (16 and 13 1/2) are tied for 3rd. :-) My greatest desire is to live my life in such a way that it's something beautiful to my Lord & Savior (Mark 14:6). Though I have not achieved any of this yet, my goal is to become a Proverbs 31 woman, encourage my sisters (Titus 2:3-5) & to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ to as many people as possible. (Matthew 28:18-20 & 1 Corinthians 2:1-5 )

I have been blessed in my current position as an Exec. Asst. (14 yrs.) at our family-owned, non-profit organization. I'm the assistant to the CEO who reports to the Owner. I'm the personal assistant to everyone in the organization. I report all progress & details of business to the CEO for review & approval. I'm the resident, 24-hour-on-call nurse, dietitian, head chef, housekeeper, fashion consultant, interior designer, seamstress, hostess, caterer, receptionist, tutor, adviser, & volunteer. I'm also responsible for training a staff of 2 assistants to head their own organizations one day, in accordance with God’s will. My current position is most commonly known as “stay-at-home mom”.

If you've come from a similar background and are struggling with forgiveness, read:

Freedom to Love

If you're wondering how to break the bondage from your past and live victoriously in Christ read:

Victors, Not Victims


And if you're wondering about your eternal destiny, please read:

True Or False Conversion?





I pray that God has used this to encourage & comfort you,